the world i know

i stare out my window every morning. to see if its all still there. the grass, the trees, that stupid road sign. making sure everything is where it should be. they havent moved on me yet. i stretch and give a long yawn. 5:30 AM. alls quite as usual. the house is empty. always empty. the lone sound i hear is the hum of the fridge. i unlock the back door and turn off the porch light and step outside. most of the time during the summer, the sun is just coming up over east mt. lately the rain has been making it darker than it should be. the road is void of traffic, which wont be true for very long. street lights dim. the lawn is fresh cut from the day before, fillin my lungs with the sweet sent of cut grass. nothing stirs. an errie feeling everytime. to early even for the animals. return to the house man, gonna be late. i stand in the threshold for most likely to long and think about how quite the house really is. my house. not really my house, my fathers house. but he doesnt stay here. moms gone and sister is starting her own family. i came back here to get my head straight almost a year and half ago. to see what i could salvage. but the longer i stay in this empty place, the emptier i feel. everything here is in disarray. everything abandoned. i keep promising myself to fix things around here, but i never do. its the sense that i dont belong in this place anymore. its not mine, it never was. like being homeless with a roof over your head. keep tellin yourself its the right decsion to stay, save up, think it threw. i move on to brush my teeth and shower. i lace up my old boots and i m out the door. faster than a speeding bullet. i turn and look. all windows dark. not a sound. not a smell. not anything. just abandoned.

its late now. changed the time but same story. PJs on, all lights off. i check my window before i m off to bed again. the worlds still out there. my world outside someone elses window. familiar things changed. the peacful and safe become suddenly terrifying. i lay here. thinking back to how it was. and how it wont ever be again. but thats ok. thats just part of how it all works. i slip off to sleep and think to myself: you ve been in this place far to long. where do i go from here? only time will tell. until then i dream, of the world outside my window.