i v got big, big, plans.

2,3,4:

driving home last night in her car. i m driving, she's asleep riding shotgun. my button down shirt used as a blanket. my hand on her thigh trying to keep her warm. outside its bumper to bumper traffic at 1:30 in the morning. the mix CD i made her plays over and over. i know every word to every song i put on that CD. i sing softly, trying not to wake her. she stirs every so often.

i m inside my mind again. thinking. always thinking. sometimes wishing i would think less and just say what i mean. but i m too nervous. all confidence gone because of the situation. she's scared of losing what she has. i can't blame her. i would be to if it were me. the whole world she's know for all these years would suddenly be gone. there would be pain. hurt like no one could believe i m sure. i m scared for her to be honest.

she wakes up for a moment and grabs my hand. we exchange a warm smile and we lock eyes for longer than a moment. i pull away first, don't want to crash into the man from florida in front of us. i don't want to pull away. i never do. i look back to her and she's fast asleep again.

I run through my thoughts again. you've told this girl things you've never told a soul. man this is crazy. they say sometimes you just know. you know, like know that this person is special. more than special really. I think of how she makes me laugh. she could say anything to me and i would listen with all attention. I think of how she holds my finger or my hand when we drive. or how she tells me secrets she doesn't want people to know. nothing to serious really, but to her it is, so i keep my lips sealed.

sealed until we kiss that is. i know i v never felt before until the first time we kissed. everything i d ever done up until that moment was just to get me there. and each time after that first, well, each time after its better then the first.

almost back home now. i glance over, my hand returned to her thigh, still asleep. a conversation we had earlier about a spanish word and its english 4 lettered counter part comes to mind. i v only ever said that word once and ment it. i came so close to saying this night it kinda scared me. always thinking. to much.

i wish i could keep driving. take her far away to where she wants to go. anywhere. i want to take care of her whens she sick. i want to cook her breakfast in bed. i want to rub her back after a long day at work. i want to take her close off and kiss her neck, caress her legs. i want to wake up next to her. that would be living.

home now. we share a goodbye kiss. soft but passionate. i hate leaving her. unsure as to when i get to see her again. i m driving my car now. that familiar road home in front of me. her mix CD that she made me playing. my button down has her smell all over it. i don't think i ll wash it right away. in my bed, i hope i dream tonight.

i could give her the world if she would let me. but i understand why she can't. so, just like weezer says, only in dreams. only in dreams.