still hurts sometimes.

i still read your blog. i still check up on you. i m still searching

I want to know how things are going, but it hurts to call sometimes. i could text and ask a simple question: How are you miss? i could text: I miss you. i could really do anything.

I see your paints and your pictures. i see your room and the walls. i see your tv and what i m not watching. i see your hands and your bare feet. i see your jeans and cut up shirts. i see your face and your eyes. i see your heart and your smile.

all these things i see. i still see them in my brain, in a space reserved for you. Cause that place is the space i will have you still.

the thing that hurts the most is i m losing your voice. i cant hear it anymore. the sweet sounds of stories and the honesty in your laugh. what a tragic thing it will be once i lose those sounds.

so i reserve myself to drinking coffee. and the best thing i can do is sit here and think of you. but even that, it still hurts sometimes.