I am so scared. I m doing the things that I want to do. I'm making the choices I told myself I'd make. I'm being honest with myself for the first time since I can't remember when.
I am all these things, and it scares the shit out of me.
Always told myself that if I wasn't doing the things that I loved, then I really wasn't living. The other morning, I started to build studio space in my basement.
Cleaning up old pieces of memories that have been discarded to the underground. Broken glass, old army men, clothes long since forgotten. Things that were important once, but now nothing more than afterthoughts to growing up.
It smelled like old foot sweat and mold when I first started. But after a while, the old war room started to be presentable. The more I peeled back the cobwebs, the more I could see what I was building. Not just a place for art, but a step towards my future.
That's when I had to take a step back. What are you doing boy? You don't actually think being creative and silly and all of these wonderful things will actually get you through life?
That voice of doom and responseability echoing in my head. Now, now, think straight. Get a good job, do a good job. The rest will take care of itself. None of these silly dreams of whims and adventure. Settle in, it's a long life boy, and you gotta put your hours in.
I'm split down the middle. The Dreamer and The Man. Constantly at war with each other. The Man, is as empty as this basement. The Dreamer, full of hope like a forever summer. The Man always the winner, but not this day.
I might be scared. I might be unsure about a lot of things. But today, in this basement, this old house of horrors, I take a step. The Dreamer and me are making something out of nothing. And i'v never felt so right in my entire life.
So it's alright to be scared and nervous and unsure. Cause for me, my heart beats to the best beat there is: mine. Outside it might be cold and dark, but in here with me, Its bright and wonderful. Impossibilities are nothing more than road blocks in your head. And here in this underdark of a basement, The Dreamer finally gets one over on The Man.
Give me the freedom to be me, and I'll show you the world.
1 comment:
This world is nothing without people like you and your dreams. If it weren;t for the dreams people refused to let go of, we wouldn't have all of the wonderful things that enable us to dream.
You are a visionary and a beautiful person. You deserve to be happy and honest with yourself at all costs. Good luck Dana, after all you've worked through and for you deserve nothing but happiness.
And a swift kick in the head to The Man in you. ;)
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