Confetti snow storm

Its new years eve tonight. A party here, a party there. Dick Clark's weathered face still on the TV after all these years. I ll tell you something, there is a reason he can't go south for the winter, he's got so much plastic in his face that it'd melt right off his cheeks if it got to hot for him.

All the girls dolled up in the black dresses and high heels. The boys in the back with the glasses of vodka and dirty jokes. Every one telling stories about this and that. The moments from the year they liked the best. Leaving out all the good juicy parts. Please check your honesty at the door.

I sip on wine, debating on making the inevitable switch to the brandy. Crowd surfing my way to the end of the year stage. A few hi how are yous and so good to see yous here and a few you look so goods there. Dancing my way through the mingling circus of all this nonsense.

I tell my stories about this adventure, those one times, the can you believe she did thats, and the remember that one songs. All of them great and wonderful. Memories i'll take to next year and the years after the next for certain. But, like I said, check your honesty at the door my good man. The best stories are the ones that go by a different title:Secrets. Those my friend, are the ones people pay to hear. people die to hear.

And I have the most beautiful secret of all.

So I lie. I tell every soul I had a good year. No complaints, no worries. I dove in head first this year and came out squeaky clean on the other side. But, if I told them the true story, They'd hear about the greatest year of my life. A year of dreams and music and paint. Of pictures, adventures, stories, and words spoken softly in a parking lot on a summer night.

But secrets are just exactly what they are. Something special and something not to be spoken of.

The count down. 10. it starts. 9. the ball falling. 8. everyone shouting. 7. smiles all around. 6. glasses raised. 5. all eyes focused. 4. grab your parters. 3. you can almost taste it. 2. goodbye this year. 1. hello next year.

And its over. A split second. a rush of emotion and sound, then its done. I shake hands and kiss cheeks. I watch the TV and see good old Mr. Clark. I m by myself and so is he. Just two big fakers alone in a crowd of millions. So here is to you Dick, may you melt some day and be peaceful.

As for me. I''ll wait till everyone is gone and then tell my secrets out loud to this new year. Cause the dates changed, but I still feel the same. Your 1600 miles away and I wish I was there not here. A new years kiss from you to me. Maybe then, this new year would have a beautiful start to it instead of this left over mess. I m unsure what is going to happen to me this year, just like everyone else. But I am sure of at least one thing: Palm tree wishes and sunshine dancing beats the hell out of the ice outside my door. The ice inside my chest.

Here is to the new year, to dreams realized. To more stories, and most of all, more secrets of the best kind. :)

The restless king

I count the hours as they go by. How long have be up now? 4? 5 hours strong? My complete inability to fall asleep is slowly becoming the one thing I can count on. I'd kill for a nightmare right now. I'd sell my soul for a bad dream. Even sleep walking would do. Hell, I'd walk a mile in my sleep if it meant I got some rest out of it. From my pillow I watch the headlights pass outside. The third shifters out on release. From my red IKEA king size fitted sheets I pass judgment on my old clothes strewn across my floor. I curse them for not being good company tonight. Never very talkative that lot.

Snap out of it you poor bastard. I catch myself falling to delirium. Your losing it old boy. This is the last thing I need. I dont need to become any more crazy than I already am.

There is no cure for me. No quick fix. No remedy I can take. For the time being, I am the restless king of nothing. I hold a dreamless court inside my head.

Then Suddenly, it happens. That all too familiar sound returns. My alarm clock. To the sound of a bomb going off, I rise to meet the morning. Of coarse I was here first. I always am.

It's gonna be a long day, but as of late, they always are.

Projecting

I am so busted up inside over this business. These past weeks have been so abysmal. Between being lonely and drinking too much, I find myself at a loss. How did it get so bad? so far along?

With depression, you can find the shit in most any situation. How unpretty a picture you take is. How stupid another person opinion is, even when you know they are right. How dumb all your things are.

In most cases, my black heart has weathered any storm. Not this time though. I m got hurt. Pretty bad. Something I never thought would never happen. But for certainly did. I debate on how I'll get through this.

Letting her go is going to break me a very long time. Insert sad song here. Export my feelings to anywhere but here. Eject me to someplace where I can get along.

This is killing me slowly and its all my fault

she was a wreck but so was he

In this day in age, with connectivity and never being unplugged, I wonder how people would react to being disconnected. No mobile updates, no emails, or photo comments. No texts, none of these things. Maybe, just maybe, if we took the time to see who is in front of us instead of whose on our phone, we'd see the beauty in everything. Lets turn off the phone for the night. Enjoy the person your spending the night with. No distractions from the outside world. Focus on her eyes, on her lips, on the way she breathes. Maybe if we disconnect together; maybe, just maybe, our generation could find love again.

In the time of hook-ups and one night stands, how often have you seen the wrong people getting together for all the wrong reasons? Say it with me and out loud: Too Fucking Many.

So call me crazy or idiotic. But next time, take a chance, take a step back and think. Where is this drunk text gonna get me? This obscene phone call? This awkward knock on the door at 3 A.M.?

I'm tired of it. So I'll disconnect for now and talk to this sweetheart next to me. This woman who thinks I'm decent enough to have her for a few hours. Unplugged and honest, if only this once. I'll know I was real with this person. And that's more than most of us can say as of late. Taking it all in, the way she laughs at my silly jokes. Her warm smile and her honest way of mocking my style. Disconnected, I take in the way her body looks when it's bathed in this candle light. Her naked frame a work of art. Everything in this moment, from the music to the lights to most certainly her, it's all exquisite and beautiful. From her naked ankles to her nose and cheek bones, I get lost.

I am Lost now.

As for the rest? Well the rest is mine and her's. Away from prying eyes and words. Another time maybe my trusted perverts :) This one, I keep for myself. It's so easy to be cheap. It's rightchous to be true.

For kids our age, or kids for any age for that matter, Love is like a secret. Anything spoken louder than a whisper and you ll lose it. Gone forever and your lost in nonsense. So I whisper for now, quite and unplugged. Content and happy, cause in all honesty, maybe all you need is a whisper.

Your lips touching mine in the photobooth

Softer her laugh, the color of summer. Brighter her smile, the warmth of the sun. I'm inside out, she puts me back together.

Conversations and discussions between the two of us. Tangled up in the airwaves of a phone call. Miles between the beds they lay in is only physical separation. This distance is a killer. So close you can hear her breathing even though she's far away. A cruel tease to be certain. The confessions told to one another are the most honest he's ever been. Trying to hold back feelings to make things less difficult has become like lying. All he wants is to tell her the things he wants her to know.

He wants her to know that he is a better man when she's around. In the dark, when it's cold, she keeps him warm. And the world is that much more brighter because she's in it.