words from summer.

"I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all"

"if its not to late for coffee, i ll be at your place in 10."

"Please know that i m yours to keep, my beautiful girl."

"I'll be who i want to be. so think of what you want of me."

"our hands they seek the end of afternoon. My hands believe and move over you."

"And I just know that she warms my heart And knows what all my imperfections are

And she says that I am the brightest little firefly in her jar."

"and when i see you, i really see you upside down."

"it's what we know we arent, that makes us who we are."

"Theres a lot of pretty girls here lookin tight, but they re not good girls, but they re good for tonight."

"just another sweep and it'll be fine, but this carpet's got hills and i, can't see this helping at all."

"I want a big house that sits by the shore,And when I wake up I can watch the tide rise."

i could go on and on. my head is filled with words that i said and was told. i play those moments over in a black and white flashback. the only one that mattered was only 4 letters long. things might not have worked out. but i will never regret a moment or action from this summer.

in time. all good things in time.

"You may tire of me as our December sun is setting because I'm not who I used to be
No longer easy on the eyes but these wrinkles masterfully disguise
The youthful boy below who turned your way and saw
Something he was not looking for: both a beginning and an end
But now he lives inside someone he does not recognize
When he catches his reflection on accident

On the back of a motor bike
With your arms outstretched trying to take flight
Leaving everything behind
But even at our swiftest speed we couldn't break from the concrete
In the city where we still reside.
And I have learned that even landlocked lovers yearn for the sea like navy men
Cause now we say goodnight from our own separate sides
Like brothers on a hotel bed
Like brothers on a hotel bed
Like brothers on a hotel bed
Like brothers on a hotel bed

You may tire of me as our December sun is setting because I'm not who I used to be"

dark where those moments on thoughts of the future. what men and monsters wait for me tomorrow? its enough to keep a boy in bed for days. enough to drive in search of strong drink. dwelling on such things, are not what is needed.

the frightening truth of the matter is that i am making a huge drastic change to my life. going far away from everything i know and love. i am scared. but, secretly loving the fear. that uncertain rush, the not knowing, the blind leap into the salty sea of dreams.

its enough to get me. and thats really all i need.

thats enough, it could be all i need.

every thought a Thought of You

i need distraction. at work, i come up with names for bands i ll never be in and music i ll never play.

metal band:Face rape. album:Cobra Commander is our bitch

hardcore band:4 little words. Album:we ve been to the moon, and it sucked

hip hop group: Day Nuh Fresh and the Futures. Album:The Life and Times of Dr. D

Indie Band: theupsanddowns. Album:Caged Rainbows.

my mind should be on the job. on my plans. but it isn't. where do you think it is?

not saying how i feel. it feels like lying to her. and myself. a promise made though, be better. don't, just don't say it. change the subject. can't look at her that way, can't.

distract me from telling her: how cute she is, how she makes me laugh, how i hate to see her depressed, a thousand things to say.

i wish i didnt need a distraction for her. when i wake up, when i go to work, when i go to sleep, when i dream.

what's a boy to do?

Beggars

"My heart is filled with songs of forever
The city that endures when all is made new
I know I don’t belong here, I’ll never
Call this place my home, I’m just passing through"

-Thrice

profound once again. i m taking the steps. making my moves. I don't belong here. I ll never call this place home. I wont go quietly into the good night this time, oh no not this time. I ll speak truths and I m following through.

I am not fake. I am true. I am Honest. I am ever unafraid. I am the Inspired.

I am all these things, but the one thing I wish I wasn't, I wish I wasn't all alone.

te amo

i said it. unequivocally. honest. true.

i meant it. the second time ever i have meant it.

those 4 little letters placed in a certain order to form the word. so difficult to say, maybe the hardest word to say.

but i said it.........

and it was amazing.

in other news: now that my dad moved home. might be moving that much sooner now. i wish it wasn't by myself.